


In This Moment

by Telaryn



Category: Leverage
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Dark, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, Loss, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - F/M/M, mention of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 13:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17183957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telaryn/pseuds/Telaryn
Summary: Eliot and Hardison try to figure out if they can move forward without Parker.





	In This Moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ziazippy5379](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziazippy5379/gifts).



> I do not often have the opportunity to write Major Character Death, so thank you for that! (Seriously - thank you!)
> 
> Obviously this is inspired by Prompt #2: Two of the OT3 mourning the loss of the third. I'm pretty sure I didn't kill off whoever you were thinking of, but I hope the story works for you nonetheless!
> 
> Thank you so much for playing with us - we hope it was worth your while!

“You left your phone downstairs.”

Hardison raised his head, dashing half-heartedly at the tears blurring his vision. He didn’t need to see to recognize Eliot crouched in front of him in the semi-darkness. “Didn’t want it,” he admitted, although he accepted the unit when Eliot held it out to him. “I just…I just needed to unplug for a bit. Needed to quiet the chatter in my head.”

For once he didn’t mean the near-constant stream of conversations that typically flowed into his ears via the team’s comms. As Eliot settled into a sitting position opposite him, Hardison straightened – trying to ease his cramped muscles as far as he could without actually standing up.

 _She didn’t scream._ Everything would have been okay if she’d screamed. If Parker had screamed it would have meant she had leapt off the roof of her own volition and was riding her rig to the ground and freedom. “Please don’t tell me it wasn’t my fault, man,” he said, holding up a hand to stop whatever Eliot was getting ready to say. “I’ve gotten that speech from Nate and Sophie already, and it doesn’t help.”

Eliot shook his head, and Hardison abruptly realized that there was something very different about the hitter. His teammate…partner…friend… _lover_ …was normally a very physically intense person. Even when he was enjoying himself, when an ordinary person would have been the very definition of relaxed, a part of Eliot remained on guard – looking out for the next attack, the next disaster.

Now, though – now he looked _defeated_. _Like if a squad of mercs came charging at us in the next thirty seconds he’d just let them finish him off._ It was a sobering awareness; Hardison had been so wrapped up in his own grief that he’d forgotten Eliot had lost someone he loved as well. Not in the same way Hardison had loved her, because that was the nature of threesomes, but in his own way just as deeply and truly and completely.

“It’s not going to help,” Eliot said finally, trailing one finger through the white gravel that littered the surface of the roof, “but she wouldn’t have felt a thing.”

Hardison shuddered, hearing the gunshot in his head again and feeling an echo of the vibration that had shaken him to his core. “I should have seen the bastard,” he said, and it was suddenly hard to speak. “He never should have gotten within a hundred yards of her.” Tears fell again – fast and hot – and Hardison buried his face against his drawn-up knees, covering his head with his arms to muffle the sound of his sobs.  
***************************************  
It was Eliot’s worst nightmare made manifest; the thing he’d let himself believe would never happen as he drew more and more of the physical danger of their jobs onto himself. Nate and Sophie had both noticed, but only Nate had made the connection between Eliot’s increasingly reckless streak and his finally giving into his feelings for Parker and Hardison.

 _It was supposed to be me._ He was the reason Hardison had been distracted when Parker needed him the most. Him and five bad guys smart enough to put a bullet in his right knee and strong enough collectively to put him on the ground. They would have killed him if Hardison hadn’t realized what was going on in time. He’d thrown Eliot a virtual lifeline, and like an idiot Eliot had grabbed for it – reacting on the verge of unconsciousness with his heart, that had something to live for, instead of his head, which knew it was his job to lay down his life in order for the rest of the team to survive. 

_And Parker paid the price._

Pushing to his feet just far enough to shift position, Eliot turned so that he was sitting next to Hardison instead of across from him. Putting an arm around the hacker’s shoulders, he tugged gently until Hardison collapsed in against his side, still drowning in his own grief and regret.

He’d thought about putting a bullet in his mouth in those first few horrible hours as they pieced together what had happened and he realized what none of the others seemed to have figured out for themselves. He’d thought…well, he’d thought a lot of ugly and dark things during that stretch of time that had ultimately been set aside in the face of two all-important truths. The first was that killing himself wouldn’t bring Parker back.

The second was that – deep down – he understood that losing both his partners in such a quick span of time would destroy Hardison. In the face of such a catastrophic loss, Eliot knew that he loved the younger man too much to put him through something like that. _You made us better,_ he thought as he leaned down to press a kiss to Hardison’s hair. _You made us better and I don’t even know if we ever thanked you for that._

“We’re gonna get through this,” he murmured, tucking his face in as close to Hardison’s ear as he could manage. The hacker’s sobs were finally starting to taper off. “I don’t know how, but I swear I’m not going to leave you alone with it.”  
*************************************  
He wasn’t alone. It was a tiny spark, deep in his soul, that swelled to the sound of Eliot’s promise, and for the first time in days Hardison found himself reacting to something other than the all-consuming ache in his chest.

 _He doesn’t blame you._ Raising his hands, Hardison gripped Eliot’s forearms, holding on to the hitter with everything he had. If Eliot really didn’t blame him, maybe wherever she was now Parker didn’t either.

As threesomes went, they’d had their fair share of growing pains – often helped along by Hardison’s insecurities. Geeks hadn’t always ruled the world, and more than once he’d found himself wondering if Eliot really loved him, or if he was just being humored and included as a means to get to Parker? Eventually he’d made his peace with the teenaged boy who believed he would never know love at all, let alone with two people as amazing as the ones that shared his life. It had been hard going, however, and more times than he cared to acknowledge it took statements like Eliot’s just now – that he wasn’t alone – to keep Hardison from becoming that lonely thirteen-year-old boy once more.

He had no idea how long the two of them stayed like that, huddled together, but with each passing moment Hardison felt steadier. The loss was all too real, the pain all too big, but while he still couldn’t imagine the day when that wouldn’t be the case, he was finally starting to see himself coming down off the roof.

“I’m scared to go back to the apartment tonight.”

The words echoed feelings Hardison had been grappling with himself, but he’d never imagined Eliot was going to be the first one to say them out loud. Nate and Sophie had been understanding, and before that there had been Eliot’s hospital stay, but at this point they were out of reasons not to go home.

_Except…_

“So we get a hotel room,” he said. Before Eliot could react, Hardison turned and kissed him; soft and gentle at first, then more deeply when the hitter didn’t protest. _And then maybe we can pretend we’re two strangers meeting for the first time and none of this is actually happening, and…_

Reining in the fantasy before it could get entirely away from him, Hardison ended the kiss and shifted just enough in Eliot’s arms to be able to see his face. “I don’t have a map for this, man. Maybe you do -God, I hope you do – but right now it’s taking all I have to get from one moment to the next.”

There was pained understanding in Eliot’s eyes as he gave Hardison a tight, quick nod. “In this moment,” Hardison went on, “I’m gonna say that we definitely get a hotel room tonight and worry about everything else tomorrow.” Hooking a hand at the back of Eliot’s neck, he briefly dug his fingers in; holding him still as he leaned in to kiss him again. The move startled Eliot – he made a surprised sound, but didn’t pull away. 

Emboldened, Hardison maneuvered himself around, ending up on his knees; straddling Eliot’s hips. “In this moment,” he went on, cradling the other man’s stubbled cheeks between his palms and clinging to the reality of him, “I’m going to tell you that I love you with everything I have, and that you aren’t going to be alone with this either.”  
**************************************  
It was another lifeline, thrown at the exact moment he needed it, and Eliot grabbed for it with everything he had. They had exchanged ‘I love you’ before – all three of them had – but it had never resonated with as much depth as it did to Eliot now. “In this moment,” he said, locking eyes with Hardison and willing him to understand what Eliot was really saying, “I’m going to prove to both of us that we’re alive, that for better or worse we did not follow her down into the grave. I’m going to figure out a way for us to make our peace with that.”

He had more he wanted to say, but Hardison was kissing him again. Giving into the moment, Eliot slipped his hands under the other man’s shirt, suddenly craving the warmth of his skin more than anything else he could think of.

It was the most primal of urges at a time like this – the very human need to affirm that they _were_ alive, that grief and pain hadn’t consumed them. Eliot slid his right hand further under Hardison’s shirt, until he felt the steady beat of the younger man’s heart against his palm. He shivered as the pulse resonated up his arm, matching the rhythm of his own blood.

 _He would live._ For Hardison he would live, until he figured out a way to live for himself. And if, in his arms, Hardison was currently making a similar promise to himself, maybe someday together they would find a way through.

Eliot hoped that wherever she was, Parker approved.


End file.
